Rumble in the Kitchen

Oh, Gumdrop, I think we're in for a bit of a rumble on this one, which isn't exactly in the holiday spirit of things. You've been too kind to let me participate in this decision. And more importantly, you've given me these options after I was grilled by my maman about precisely what I was bringing for Boxing Day dinner. Have you faced the wrath of a mother entertaining her daughter's in-laws for Box Day? I dithered, I waffled, I crumbled. I ran to Dorie too and came up with three options: the cranberry shortbread cake, the chocolate armagnac cake or the peppermint cream puff ring. Using your exact rationale, I settled on the cream puff ring (I do adore a pate a choux). My mother could sleep easy now that her menu was complete (although I suspect she tossed and turned a little about the table decor).

However, since I graciously told my mother that I would get the ingredients so she wouldn't have to, I do have some mom-free time to change my mind. So I propose the current contenders are: pavlova (although those upside-down Australians celebrate Christmas during their summer), a chocolate cream tart or the peppermint cream puff ring.

Round #2...

merry, merry,
Pickle

P.S. At least your childhood barf-fest was the result of a boozey dessert. Mine was a 4 year old's adventure drinking the dregs from beer bottles during a cottage afternoon. I've hated beer ever since. Don't both those stories tell you everything you need to know about growing up in the 70s?

The Mohammed Ali of Desserts...

Dear Pickle:

So it's a tough time to fit a challenge in, but I know you and I are facing the same dilemma this year. What dessert can we possibly bring to Boxing Day dinner to satisfy a mixed bag of fam and in-laws? This is a serious challenge!!!

Some people might think this an easy problem. These people are not us. The dessert in question must fit the following criteria:
1. Must travel well. No frozen things, elaborate constructions or whipped cream as an integral ingredient (added at the last minute whipped cream is fine, although a bit fussy.)
2. Must be interesting enough for a special dinner but not contain supremely weird flavours. It's gotta be special but if it is too 'sophisticated', we could lose some of our dessert eaters to the goodie tray, which should be considered a failure of desserting. Also, because there will be children, alcohol should be kept to a minimum (the time I got accidentally drunk and barfed at Thanksgiving at the ripe old age of eight might be 'memorable', but I am not sure it ought to be repeated.)
3. Must be festive but not heavy. This has gotta land nicely on a belly full of turkey. Ugh, I feel full already. Maybe we should just make mints.
4. Must be impressive but not intimidatingly so. People should like it but, like dressing for a wedding, we can't outdo the 'bride' (i.e. hosts). Croquembouche is probably out. Also, I have 5,000 other things to do in the next couple of days so we kinda gotta keep it real.

You have already expressed disdain for trifle, so I will save that challenge for another time. Mwahahahhahaha. My veto goes to fruitcake and/or mincemeat.

Because I am feeling festively generous and this is indeed important, herewith please find three suggestions for your boxing approval. Punch the one you like.

1. A chocolate Yule log. Just kidding. .
2. A Christmas Cheesecake from Epicurious - This may break #3 and/or be impossibly 80s. But it DOES sound good!
3. A tasty Pavlova from Nigella - . This is the traditional Australian Christmas dessert, so they must be on to something. Does require a little last minute fussing with whipping cream and fruit (which we can surely take some license with.) But sometimes it's nice to hide in the kitchen for a few minutes, if your host doesn't mind...?
4. A Dorie Greenspan tart. Maybe Chocolate Cream (I'd toy with a plain crust rather than chocolate to stay within #3)? Or Toasted Coconut Custard (although is coconut too divisive re #2?) Or Fresh Orange Cream?

Er, as you can see, I'm dithering. Whaddya think?

Love,
Gumdrop

Hey Hey You Ugly

So now it’s my turn to apologize for a very tardy post, Gumdrop. I did this post weeks ago, but work and life have kept me from writing about it until now. And maybe, just maybe, I wasn’t in too much of a rush to show you the ugliest thing I’ve ever baked.

Given the terrible reputation roulades have, I decided to be brash, be bold, be confident as I prepared for the challenge. I whipped up the cake batter, spread it into the jellyroll pan and deftly tossed it into the oven. Shabam - a roulade superstar was born!

Except that’s when I noticed I’d filled the pan too much. The cake came out far too fluffy, but repeating my mantra, I covered it in plastic wrap and a wet tea towel and rolled that sucker up.

Next, I tackled the buttercream. Did this recipe feel like a lot of work for not much reward or was it just me? Sure, it tasted good, but it wasn’t that different than good old swiss buttercream. Maybe it picked up on my skepticism because just as I was adding the last pat of butter, it all separated. I slapped the bowl into an ice bath and did what I could, but I’d developed a bad attitude toward the whole endeavour and it didn’t do much to improve the frosting.

Feeling like a kitchen delinquent, I unrolled my cake, and of course, that puffy cake split apart. In an effort to just get the damn thing done, I slapped on some nutella and then added a layer of the buttercream and struggled to roll it all up into a neat log. I didn’t succeed in the “neat” department.

Things took a final bad turn when I tried to ice it with the sub-standard buttercream. After 4 hours of work, I was past caring. I slapped that icing on like I was Sandra Lee making her grandmother’s peach birthday cake with canned frosting and Ziploc bags.
It was a sad day in my kitchen.

I contemplated throwing it out and beginning again, but I couldn’t face it. Then I remembered when my mother first started quilting and she made what has become known as ‘the ugly quilt’. It looked like something frugal Ma Ingalls would have made during a desperately cold Prairie winter – and tossed away because it was so ugly. I dug through my closets and found that ugly quilt and used it as the backdrop for my ugly cake. I was a little heartened to think this was just my ugly first attempt at a roulade and if I keep at it, I might make roulades as beautiful as the quilts my mother makes now.

I wound up taking the cake to a dinner party at a friend’s becaujavascript:void(0)se a) I didn’t have time to pick up a bottle of wine after spending the entire afternoon on this cake and b) I still didn’t want the ugly thing hanging around my house! Due to my friend’s own dessert disaster, the ugly cake was joyously welcomed and devoured. It was the yummiest ugly looking cake ever.

xo
P